Tuesday, August 08, 2006
PN gathering/first experience
juz reaches home abt 4..came blogging coz nw i could not slp..haha.. this is my first post and the reason for writing a blog is because i tink this is de only way i can let out wad i dare to to say in real person ba..
Today is the day where de long lost PN pals [Xing yun,Celina,jeen ke,kiat,mao shan,faqih,gq,mi and lastly sin teck] meet up for a gathering since dunno when..haha..i meet up with guan qun n jeen ke at Tiong bahru MRT station at 1 and then they company mi back hm to change clothes to get ready for cycling with xing yun they all at east coast park. we reaches east coast park ard 330..haha.. if i noe that we reach there so late, i would not hav skip sch..haha..i miss de class and the bunch of buddy in sch..i noe they surely will cum stunt when i turn up for sch on thurs..my AC milan and Man city surely would be in relegation battle..lolx...thats wad i learn when i came to noe wad they did when AH TOH was not ard..haha..erm.. we cycle for ard 1 hr 15 min den we decide to go marina square for dinner.. but as expected, it turn up to be de same as sat as all seat was taken up and patheticly we bought out packet dinner[CAVANA] and eat on the grass patch while waiting for de firework to begin..The Singapore firework were veri nice as compare to de italy firework when we saw on sat.. the firework were all recorded by xing yun in her digital cam...haha..when i recieve the pic n video den i upload ba..i sms *her* when de firework were abt to start but she nv reply.. haiz.. i reali dunno wad else i can do anymore.. i already try wad i shd do in order to giv my concern n encouragement to *her*..maybe in *her* heart i didn't reali exist ba.. i dare not to let go of *her* coz i reali luv her alot but sometime if u pull de fishing line too hard, it may break..
After the firework, i went to drink with mao shan,teck n jk..hav some heart to heart talking chat with them..ermm..sometime appearance may be decieving..haha..get to know more secret abt them but dun worry, i wun tell anyone unless u wan mi to..hahahaha..mi n jk were getting abit drunk were toking alot of crap along the way..poor mao shan n teck have to accomodate with our nonsence...haha..we go GEYLANG to hav some soya milk with you tiao..haha den decide to walk along the *chicken lane..haha..they were so many whores along the lane where some even hav number tag on them..haha..first experience seh..nv reali go to there to explore..haha..if i were not drunk , i tink i would hav nv gone there..hmm..1 thing i came to noe is when u r drunk, u dare to be more daring to speak or do something u dare not to do when u r sober ba..haha..
After de exploring trip, we go to hav a drink in de coffeeshop and take a cab home after tat... mi n jk were veri much awake after the trip.. we were sober enough to hav more round of drink until we went dead drunk,....hhaha..
Haiz..have been drinking lots of beer n liquor this few days..dunno y lehz..i noe drinking is not gd but i tink it is de only way to forget *her* temporary ba..picking up smoking n drink along the way..haha..i tink it may sound stupid ba i dunno y la..juz feel tat life is so meaningless to mi now..everything is like going against mi..is there anything with my character or appearanc..y *her* image keep appearing in my mind.. i try to accept other gers but no one seem to be able to make mi forget her..she is like drifting away further n further from mi..i cant bear to lose her.. wad i wan was onli to protect her but i dunno whether my action may prove to be a negative effect on her or let's say pressurise..i dun wan her to get hurt..i prefer i am de one who get hurt instead of her..dunno la..juz feel so f*** up nwdays..i sometime feel like crying out loud but i noe crying is like a form of acting to gain sympathy but there's not wad i mean ba..sometime i tink her is becuming more n more like an illusion to me...i sometimes juz wish her to send mi an sms or tok to mi in msn like hw r u or thing like tat... i am aso a human, i need concern esp from someone that prove so much to u.. maybe i expect too much from her as she having A level ba..but de feeling she giv mi were like she does not even care abt mi.. can someone tell mi wad way hav i do wrong ???i dun wan to sink deeper..i hav waited her for 3 yrs but i dunno if my wait hav worthwhile..am i reali so hopeless person????this 3 yrs have been up n down for mi..i dare not get into another relationship becoz i scare tat thing like tat may happen to mi again.. but to be frank, i reali hope her can be my side when i needed her most..it may sound impossible or wishful tinking but i juz hope miracle can happen to mi juz ONCE...
Searching for the 'Y'ou.
1:02 PM
